return my video game
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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