the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
