Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
