Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
