Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
