Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
