I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
