end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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