he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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