You're completely useless in the revolution.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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