Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
