So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
