In the future we'll all be gay
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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