I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
3pm strippers are depressing
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
