have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
