so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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