Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
