you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
