It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
