I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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