we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
