I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
