Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
