I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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