Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
