This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
