sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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