I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
is that a dick in a sweater?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
