Well apparently he's into motor boating.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I think I just sharted jello shots
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
