i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
