I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
