oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
