I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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