The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
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i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
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You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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