I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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