Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
