So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
