My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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