Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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