At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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