Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
