just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
