we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
