Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
