I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
