Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i think i have two assholes
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
