it wasn't lemon gatorade
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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