So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
i need some magic done to my vagina
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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