just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
