life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
