You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
well you can't waste a boner
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
