Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
hell yes lets make some ravioli
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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