Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
