She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
