We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize