btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
