remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
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You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
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I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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