Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
