I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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