You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
