Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
