i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
