She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The struggles of a small town man whore
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
