HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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