she was so not down for the gang bang
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
